Our apologies for not remembering who originally said it, but a hilarious quote that was first written in 2013 came to mind when convicted pedophile and Clinton donor Jeffrey Epstein turned up dead in his jail cell. Back in 2013, when the Edward Snowden leaks were first published by WikiLeaks, a conservative commentator wrote, “Today is not a good day for people who don’t like conspiracy theories.” That quote seems doubly appropriate now that the most famous Supermax prisoner in the United States somehow managed to hang himself behind bars, just three weeks after he was injured in another “suicide attempt.”
That wasn’t a gust of wind that you heard outside on the morning of August 10, 2019. That was actually all of the world’s globalist elites breathing a collective sigh of relief because Epstein is conveniently dead. And unlike most people who commit suicide moments before they have a chance to testify against Bill and Hillary Clinton, Epstein didn’t even have to hike up to the top of a remote mountain in a national forest before shooting himself in the back of the head with two different calibers of handgun!
Just one day after the first sealed Epstein documents were unsealed, Epstein is found dead. Those documents reveal accusations that Epstein was trafficking child sex slaves to a long list of prominent Democrats and global elites.
Before the end of the first day, even President Trump was retweeting messages with #ClintonBodyCount in them. The CEO of Twitter was so relieved at the death of Epstein that Twitter took #ClintonBodyCount off its list of trends, replacing them with hashtags about President Trump and Attorney General Bill Barr.
If you are one of those increasingly rare Never-Trump phony conservatives who has scoffed at Pizzagate, Barack Obama’s hinky birth certificate or Operation Fast & Furious, who thinks that Alex Jones deserves to be censored, you might want to brace yourself for the next few days. You should prepare yourself for the following two inevitable events that are about to take place:
First, the world will be shocked – shocked! – to learn that the video cameras covering Jeffrey Epstein’s jail cell were malfunctioning, just for a few minutes, during the exact minutes when Epstein perished.
Second, the world will be shocked – shocked! – to learn that Jeffrey Epstein’s corpse was cremated at the hospital due to a clerical error before an autopsy could be performed.
If you don’t like conspiracy theories, brace yourself for those moments. The rest of us eagerly wait to hear the excuses that you will come up with to explain the wildly improbable string of coincidences that are going to happen. Please, do tell us how it can all be chalked up to a bunch of incompetent employees making one mistake after another.
Indeed, even the chief Trump-hating neocon Allahpundit, over at the Hot Air blog, has decided that Epstein’s convenient death is a little too convenient to accept at face value. Here’s what he wrote the day that Epstein was suicided:
“Me before Epstein’s death: Conspiracy theories are facile misdirections favored by people who crave simplistic explanations to soothe their own feelings of powerlessness.
“Me now: The Illuminati whacked Epstein.”
Welcome to the world of grownups, Allahpundit!
The reason why “conspiracy theories” have become so popular in modern American life is that all too often, the government gets caught lying to us and then covers it up. Even though we may have most of the pieces of the puzzle, the bureaucracy and the global elites stamp their feet and attempt to discredit these theories – despite mountains of evidence.
For example, which members of the Trump campaign did the FBI obtain FISA warrants to spy on besides Carter Page? We know Carter Page wasn’t the only one the FBI illegally spied upon. Why don’t we know the names of the others?
Where are those Fast & Furious documents, by the way? You know, the ones that a judge ruled Obama could not legally claim “executive privilege” over? Why hasn’t the Justice Department released those documents to Congress after all these years?
There were messages in Clinton campaign manager John Podesta’s email that sure sounded an awful lot like pedophilia and child endangerment. How come no law enforcement agency saw fit to follow up on those messages? Sure, the emails were stolen – but that’s no excuse for not following up on extremely suspicious emails about potential crimes against children.
Former Congressman Trey Gowdy (R-SC) summed up the end of Epstein best on Fox News when he said, “I’m glad he’s dead.” What a weird coincidence! A bunch of the world’s elites are glad Epstein is dead as well, but for a completely different reason.